Many of our children are missing them, and it is killing their potential. Social skills prepare people to appear at their best in voice, action and appearance. It is not a matter of etiquette that has anything to do with which fork to use.
In the "old days," we used to receive those skills from the well-meaning guidance supplied by loving parents. Often we learned by osmosis - by simply being aware and living in a functional family environment. For most of us, learning social skills became a basic part of our younger years.
There are far fewer of those caring, supportive families today. The result? Perhaps more than 15 percent of our public school students have received little or no "in-house" training on how to deal effectively with those who are not their immediate peers.
Added to that list are perhaps another 15-20 percent of their classmates, who have attained limited social skills but are reluctant to demonstrate them to their teachers.
Why? By doing the correct thing, the second group might please the teacher but would likely face the wrath of the first 15 percent.
Peer pressure is a heavy hammer. For some rascals in the class, it is more fun to "work on the teacher," to belabor meaningless conversation and, in general, to be uncooperative. Would you believe this from seventh graders - complete with vile language?
An estimate based upon the viewpoint of dedicated teachers tells us that only 50-60 percent of students are in a "learning mode" in the classroom with respect, behavior and interest.
As Board of Education member Lex Brodie learned in his survey, roughly 30 percent of classroom instruction is effectively lost because of student inattention and bad behavior. Teachers say this disruptive activity tends to provoke student fights and perpetuate obscene language.
Any wonder why Hawaii schools produce more dysfunctional graduates each year? Is this why new teachers - often harassed beyond belief - quit within a year's time? Is it surprising teachers are willing to strike?
Not only is the pay inadequate, so is the support for teachers when it comes to student behavioral problems. Many teachers simply stay on to support a spartan lifestyle and no longer dedicate themselves to the stimulation of children's minds. Naturally, in the process of losing teachers, we lose some good ones.
Worse, we are losing the great potential of children who have never been given a fair shot at becoming effective social creatures. As long as the school system tolerates uncivilized behavior, the situation gets worse.
Many locals whose childhood suffered benign or minimal guidance were never able to shuck off the burden it carried. Those fortunate few who saw social skills as being of value are now better equipped, if not successful, adults. Any member of that latter group can confirm the real need for youngsters to be given support in learning basic etiquette.
Is it feasible to believe we could motivate the BOE and Department of Education to work up a year's course on social skills for, say, sixth graders? Then teachers in subsequent years could follow through by expecting - nay, demanding - that students respond in school as they should in the outside world.
Unless we make the effort some parents have not made, we are guaranteed to weaken our state's future work force by producing ever-increasing numbers of semi-illiterates, potential members of a growing service force who couldn't present themselves properly to their employers or the public if the Lord himself was whispering in their ears.
What people do, what people say, and how and when they do each are all a part of social skills. The more those skills improve, the better chance for an individual's success.
Ray Thiele is an author and retired businessman who lives in Kailua. The opinions in View Point columns are the authors' and are not necessarily shared by the Star-Bulletin.