CONGRATULATIONS! It's official. Hawaii's prolonged economic suicide is officially working! Trash a tourist,
win a T-shirtAccording to international tourist industry officials, Hawaii's aura as a visitor destination is fading fast. This should be great news to all those bureaucrats and elected bozos who go out of their way to make the state inhospitable to tourists. Hotel room taxes, little packs of ketchup taxes, ice cube taxes, drink umbrella taxes, banning smoking in restaurants and bars, slaps on the wrist for people who beat and rob tourists, jacked-up non-kamaaina rates to play golf, the highest local air travel rates in the country ... hey, we're doing a fabulous job of convincing travelers to stay away from Hawaii.
"This is a state that has not come to terms with the fact that tourism is their industry," said Joe Brancatelli, editor of Travel Holiday magazine.
Oh, yeah? We've come to grips with the fact that tourism is our industry. And we're trying to squash it like a bug.
We've done just about everything except chase tourists back on the airplane with baseball bats.
But I think there's still room for improvement. Let's face it. There are still a few tourists sneaking into the state who don't realize that they aren't wanted. What we need is a slogan that sums up our feelings about these people trying to slink into our state and scatter their stinking money around.
So, I'm pleased to announce the second semi-kind-of-annual Official Honolulu Lite T-Shirt Contest.
This is a real break for those of you who didn't win a T-shirt in the Honolulu Lite Local Christmas Carol Contest. I'm still getting entries, which tells me a few of you were not clear on the concept. The contest was related to Christmas. Last Christmas.
But this contest is easier. I'll give out a limited edition, snazzy "Great Feeling, Less Taste" T-shirt to the authors of the Top 3 anti-tourist slogans. The deadline is Feb. 14. I know, that's not a lot of time, but I'm not asking you to rewrite the state constitution. Just come up with a bumper-sticker-sized slogan that will let tourists know how much we wish they'd just stay away. (You can mail it, fax it or e-mail it. Check below for the numbers.)
Here are a few ideas to get you going:
Hawaii: No Bodda Us.
So get cracking. Come up with a "Stay Away Tourists" slogan and win a Honolulu Lite T-shirt. Tourists are welcome to enter. (Like, you got chance for win, brah.) We'll show those visitor industry big shots that we know how to deal with pesky tourists in Hawaii!
