WITHOUT question, the column subject that generates the most response is driving in Honolulu. Driving is the
superhighway of woesThat's not too surprising considering how many lives are directly impacted by the flow - or lack of flow - of motorized vehicles.
Last week, I wrote that the driver's license written test is way too easy. I said that the test should stress important aspects of driving in Hawaii, instead of off-beat technical questions such as, "What are you supposed to do if you come to a railroad track with two red lights flashing?"
Pat Hartnett agreed. He came up with several other questions that he thinks should be put on the written test. They include:
1. If you are involved in an auto accident, you should make an injury claim if:
A. Your cousin is an attorney and he says you can get big bucks;
B. A chiropractor tells you he'll bill the insurance company for treatment you don't really get and let you in on the action;
C. A real doctor says you are injured.
2. It's OK to pad your auto damage claim because:
A. Hey, everybody does it;
B. Gotta cover the $250 deductible;
C. Cheating insurance companies is a profitable at-home business;
D. It's not OK, you thief.
3. If you are in an accident, you should always:
A. Tell the police officer anything except what actually happened or else your premiums will go up;
B. Blame the other guy even though he was stopped at a red light;
C. If you blew it, admit it and accept the consequences like an honest person should.
NOW, Pat's heart is in the right place, and these questions make good points. But any thieving, insurance-scamming driver would be able to pick out the acceptable answer and pass the test.
The trick is to be a little more subtle. Like, "The law requiring you to turn on your headlights in the Likelike or Pali tunnels is stupid because you can see perfectly well inside the tunnels without your headlights. True or false?"
See? This would catch heaps of drivers who actually don't know that the reason you have your headlights on in the tunnels is so that OTHER drivers can see your car, not to help YOU see.
Another reader pointed out that non-Hawaii-related questions, such as those concerning slow-moving farm machinery and railroad crossings are important because many Hawaii drivers drive on the Mainland. I agree. But if there are only going to be 20 questions on the test, they should be about Hawaii driving. Maybe there should be a separate test related to driving on the mainland. That test could include questions like:
1. You suddenly find your car skidding on a patch of ice, you should turn the steering wheel:
A. Toward the nearest moose in the area;
B. Toward Montreal;
C. In the direction of the skid.
2. If you are suddenly stalled in a blinding snow storm, you should:
A. Jump out of the car screaming, "We're from Hawaii and we're all gonna die!";
B. Ask if any of your passengers ever heard of the Donner Party. If the answer is "no," say, "I've got dibs on the fat kid";
C. Break out the shave-ice syrup.
3. You are cruising through Louisiana when you suddenly notice a "county mountie" coming up behind you. You should:
A. Put the hammer down and don't slow down until Waipahu;
B. Stick an Earl Tubbs cassette in the stereo, quickly scrawl a Confederate battle flag on your forearm and call the officer "cousin" when he approaches your window;
C. Get used to the taste of grits.
Now, I'll probably get a bunch of mail from Louisiana.
