I feel good. I just got the last of my Christmas cards mailed out. This was a first, I think, getting all my Christmas stuff done before the end of January. Next comes February,
the real new yearNow I can start concentrating on the new year, which for me doesn't start until February, or at least until after the Super Bowl.
I think we should make Feb. 1 the beginning of the new year. Jan. 1 comes way to early, right on the heels of Christmas, which begins in October. From October through February, the days get shorter. I think it's because it rains so much and the days shrink.
Whatever the cause, those four months at the end of the year just sort of compress. The weeks pinch together so tight that complete days get squirted out never to be seen.
Think about it. How many times during the past few weeks did you think it was Wednesday, only to realize it was Thursday? I'm convinced that we lost three or four Wednesdays along the way.
No wonder we don't get all of our shopping done. We don't get our holiday cards mailed out. We spend all of summer nostalgically thinking about the approach of Christmas then, bam!, it's over. You missed it.
All you remember is that there was a crowd of people at your house, a bunch of wrapping paper scattered on the floor, you had OD'd on hearing Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas" and suddenly you are thrown headlong into a new year without air bags, seat belts or restraining gear of any type. Bam! It's 1997! How do you like it so far?
It's even worse for me because my birthday also falls at the beginning of January. So not only do I suddenly find myself staring dumbly out over the new year unshaven with a warm beer in one hand wondering what happened to Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years, I'm suddenly a year older to boot.
Well, that was the old days. This year I handled things differently. I just ignored the fact that the days were getting shorter and some were even missing. I ignored that holiday cosmic freight train as it churned and burned through the space time continuum. I got my Christmas cards out in my own sweet time.
And now I'm thinking of celebrating the beginning of the New Year in February. And after that, maybe in March or April, I'll celebrate my January birthday. Then I'll make my annual New Year's resolutions around June, after I see how the year is shaking out. (That's become a tradition.)
THE whole problem is that time is organized linearly. Chronologically. In a line. Like a ray of light. One day follows the other. One hour follows the other.
This is one of the major design flaws in life. I mean, it's not my role to tell God how to do his job. But life would have been a hell of a lot easier if we weren't locked into this linear paradigm. (When you talk about cosmic stuff, you have to use the word "paradigm" at least once. It's a law. Like gravity.)
God could have just as easily allowed some days to shoot off sideways, sort of like little time/space way stations where we could cool our heels for a while when things got too intense. You know, you have a bad Monday, so you decide to go sideways instead of forward and hang out for a while. Then rejoin the linear week right at Tuesday, so you don't screw up your pay check or burn any sick leave.
But, no, we're stuck with it. Days follow days. Luckily, now that the holidays are over the days will begin to slow down. We can breathe easy. The rain will eventually stop and the days will dry out and get longer.
And sometime in May we will remember to start writing 1997 on our checks.
