YANKEE Stadium? Rainbows, fans
sure are going down
fightingA chapel in the woods.
Oakland Raiders fans?
Choirboys and churchgoers.
World Cup soccer riots?
International pillow fights.
After last Saturday's Hawaii-BYU contest, we now have the title of the rowdiest games in the nation. Repeat our new battle cry after me: "Bash 'Em, Bust 'Em, That's Our Custom!"
The only part that went wrong last week was the official sponsor of the Rainbows-Cougars showdown. Love's Bakery? How ironic. Next season, UH officials should sign up Harley-Davidson for the big rivalry.
Some people were shocked by the fourth-quarter brawl, in which Hawaii's First Lady of Football, Thea vonAppen, was socked in the mouth and suffered a cut lip. Other participants included UH quarterback Glenn Freitas, who raced into the stands to defend family members, and Rainbows transfer Quincy Jacobs - who sure has a knack for being where the action's at.
Then it was reported that a friend of UH defensive back Doe Henderson - visiting from Los Angeles - was also involved, which made it a cozy Rainbows family affair.
There were some other unsubstantiated rumors swirling as well, with gambling being whispered as part of the scenario.
What fun! Especially after such a dull and disappointing season.
Now, I don't know a lot about the Xs and Os that football coaches sketch up for their oversized lads. Seems like they make it more complicated than it should be most of the time, but I'll let them handle the game plan for the season finale against Wisconsin.
However, I am an expert on boorish, illegal and dumb fan behavior. Here are three lowlights off the top of my scarred head:
n I was kicked out of a Royals baseball game in Kansas City before the first inning after a friend loudly quacked the national anthem. We were also in someone else's fifth-row box seats.
n The bus from a tavern-sponsored trip actually pulled into a hospital emergency room entrance to drop off several riders who had been injured in a parking lot fight after opening day at Comiskey Park in Chicago.
n After the opposing team beat the White Sox with a ninth-inning rally, a friend yelled "I hate you, God!" and shook his fist in the air. When we walked out to the parking lot, his motorcycle had been stolen.
Anyway, we don't have much time to prepare for the Wisconsin game next week, so listen up.
By the way, the Badgers fans know how to misbehave in public with the best of them. While working in Las Vegas, I witnessed 20,000 fans who flew in from the Beer and Brats State to break the Sam Boyd Silver Bowl stadium record for beer consumption.
Wisconsin also lost the game against underdog UNLV in that season-ender, so you never know beleaguered UH fans.
So here is a check list before leaving for the game:
Oxygen mask - In case of pepper spray, or if someone seated next to you hasn't bathed in several days or ate too many orders of nachos at halftime.
And, in lieu of tailgate parties, martial arts experts will be on hand throughout the parking lots before the game.
That should do it, folks. Oh yeah, one more thing.
Don't forget to enjoy the game!