by Charles Memminger
Monday, November 18, 1996
WHILE dealing with the results of a vicious Nebraska snow storm, my dad once said, "We should strap this (expletive) snow shovel to the front of our car and start driving. And not stop until someone asks what the (expletive) thing is." Hawaii could scoop up
cool publicityWe never did that, even though I did end up living in Hawaii, where many people wouldn't know a snow shovel from an oven door.
A recent wire story reminded me of that story. And what a great promotional opportunity Hawaii is missing. The headline said: Shovels in Demand as Northeast Ohio Digs Out from Early Winter Blast.
Since the death of the sugar and pineapple industry, I've been suggesting that Hawaii get into the snow shovel business.
Snow shovels are easy to make. They involve a wooden handle and some kind of a scooper thing on the end. My idea is to blanket the coldest part of the Mainland with snow shovels. On each shovel would be a nice picture of Waikiki Beach, people in swimsuits, a blazing sun in the background and the words: "Only A Night Away."
Then there'd be a toll free number, something like 1-(800)-SNOWSUCKS.
The wire story said: "When I was shoveling last night, it was up to my knees," grumbled resident Judy Toth of suburban Munson Township, which had 4 feet by Tuesday afternoon. "And we got at least another foot and a half overnight."
Now imagine if as Judy was shoveling, she saw that wonderful warm ad on the back of the shovel. And she knew that by hopping on a charter flight, she could be in Hawaii by the next day, after having a nice long sleep on the plane. And imagine thousands of Judies all over the East Coast up to their belly buttons in snow suddenly deciding to do the same thing?
They have a word for that down at the Hawaii Visitors Bureau: Tourism.
HAWAII spends millions of dollars in tourist promotion. But some of it hasn't been the best focused. For instance, the experiment with sponsoring a "Hawaiian Vacation" dragster didn't work out.
Although the dragster got thousands of "visual hits" as it sped down the track, few of those in the stands ended up in Hawaii. The dragster proponents would say that there is no way to tell how many people actually came to Hawaii after seeing the dragster. Some might have just dropped their jumbo beer and hotdog right there in the stands and hopped the next flight to Maui.
The beauty of the snow shovel promotion is that by using a special toll-free number, we would know exactly how many people are coming to Hawaii. Travel agencies could be develop entire Snow Shovel Charters.
Building snow shovels in Hawaii would be a guaranteed publicity grabber. And we wouldn't even have to make very good ones. We just order about a zillion plastic scooper things from China and stick them on the end of broom sticks. Actually the flimsier the better. If the snow shovels work too well, no one would get frustrated enough to throw them on the roof and fly to Hawaii.
And why stop there? We should be putting advertising on all manner of snow and ice-related implements: windshield scrapers, snow plows, snow blowers, Zambonis ... you name it. (We could even sell windshield scrapers in the Honolulu City Store for people to take back home to give their neighbors.)
The idea would be to convince Easterners that taking a week off in Hawaii makes more sense than giving themselves heart attacks shoveling a sidewalk just to make life easier for the newspaper boy.
By the time they return home, maybe the snow will be melted. And if it isn't, at least they'll have a nice sunburn to keep them warm while they shovel.
