by Charles Memminger
Wednesday, October 30, 1996
I predicted long before campaign season that the Neil Abercrombie-Orson Swindle race for Congress would boil down to a "he's more haole than me" affair. Race has nothing to do with this race
It has. And more. While the two candidates continue to bicker over who is the most local at heart, they've also managed to completely baffle voters by spinning each other's records and positions so far out of proportion that no one is sure who stands for what.
Luckily, I'm here to straighten things out. Using the tenets of investigative humorism, I can dig to the heart of the issues, yank 'em out and show everyone what they look like.
Now, I have no ax to grind, or even any machetes, yard rakes or large steak knives. I don't live in these guys' district. So I'm just going to tell you the truth and you can make up your own minds.
First of all, the race really is between two haoles. Fact is, there IS a pecking order regarding the electability of haoles for political office. Here's the breakdown, beginning with the most electable: haoles who were born in Hawaii, haoles who went to high school here, haoles who went to the University of Hawaii, haoles who have lived here for at least 20 years and haoles who live here off and on but are famous.
This is the truth. And Abercrombie knows it. That's why he keeps stressing his "electable haole" qualifications. At the same time, he tries to paint Swindle as a haole-come-lately and carpetbagger.
Were this a typical election year, Abercrombie would be a shoo-in based on his "electable haole" quotient.
BUT there are other factors involved.
For one, Abercrombie rose to prominence in the 1960s when being anti-establishment was a badge of honor. The truth is he has transformed himself from the flowing-long-haired rebel with a cause to a pony-tailed, blue-blazer wearer who has become part of the political old boy network. He claims the biggest old boy of them all, Sen. Daniel Inouye, as his spiritual leader.
But there are risks. For one, many voters liked when Abercrombie was a boat-rocker instead of a team player. He is the establishment now.
There are other issues that sit like jagged reefs under the political water, like same-sex marriage.
This is a killer issue for a liberal who, in his heart, believes in same sex marriage. The problem is that most voters in Hawaii are against it. As a result, you get a usually plain-spoken guy like Neil skating around the issue. Swindle, unabashedly conservative, simply says he's against same-sex marriage.
The abortion issue presents another problem. Usually, conservatives are against abortion and liberals for it. But Swindle has clearly stated it is a woman's right to choose abortion or not.
Abercrombie simply ignores that and accuses Swindle of being pro-abortion. The truth is that both candidates are pro-choice. Period.
Abercrombie accuses Swindle of favoring legalizing the type of gun that was used to shoot down a Honolulu police officer. The implication: Swindle doesn't care about police.
Swindle runs ads showing Abercrombie lumbering like Big Foot toward a car with a pillow case supposedly full of political action committee loot.
Both of these ads stink. They are an insult to all Hawaii residents. It reflects poorly on both candidates that they would try to manipulate voters in this way.
The truth is that Swindle supports laws that would keep guns out of the hands of criminals and that Abercrombie accepts perfectly legal donations from groups he supports, like unions.
So, there you go. This race for Congress is simply a choice between two guys from opposite sides of the political tracks. And whether they want to believe it or not, they both happen to be haole.
