IT was such an obvious plot. Charter flight didn't really help Rainbows
How did it fool Hawaii football coach Fred vonAppen and athletic director Hugh Yoshida?
Yep, they fell for the old charter flight trick.
San Diego State officials weren't going to take any chances, even though they have outscored the Rainbows by a thousand points or so in recent years.
So they subscribed to Honolulu's two newspapers and read the daily stories on how vonAppen demanded charter flights for his lads - and Yoshida's desperate attempts to appease the new coach.
Then San Diego State plunked down $100,000 of its own dough so that the Hawaii team could fly into San Diego on a charter.
The UH seniors and offensive linemen got to sit in first class. And some of the players were allowed to go into the cockpit and talk to the pilots. As Gomer Pyle would say: "Gol-ly!"
I also heard that every player who could name which state San Diego is in got airplane coloring books and "I'm A Junior Pilot" pins with little wings on them.
Fortunately, the plane's instruments were less complicated than the West Coast offense and the charter safely found its way to Southern California.
If vonAppen and his staff were at the controls, the thing might be circling the earth right now with the Space Shuttle.
"Hey, Klinker, what's this lever for?"
"Don't know, Fred. But go ahead and give it a crank and see what happens."
Anyway, I hate to say I told you so, but look what happened after the Rainbows flew to San Diego State in luxury. They got clobbered, 56-8. If the UH players had flown commercial, I bet they could have held the Aztecs to 50 points.
For the Air Force game in two weeks, the Rainbows should be forced to take a Matson container ship to Los Angeles, then ride a Greyhound bus from L.A. to Colorado Springs.
Then the boys would be ready for some real football. Pry those linemen out of bus seats after 18 hours and they would be angry enough to knock down guys on the Denver Broncos, let alone the Falcon fly-boys.
If that doesn't work, next year's team should have to take outrigger canoes and paddle from here to California. It would be great exercise if nothing else. You want to eat on the way? Better troll for an ahi and have sashimi.
OR maybe UH could find one of those old slave ships with a bunch of oars sticking out of the sides. Then vonAppen and his coaches could literally whip his team into shape. Plus, it would significantly improve teamwork and timing in just one crossing.
Instead of saying "Stroke! Stroke!" they could call out "Hup One! Hup Two!"
And they could practice punting on the deck. If the punter didn't get the kick off in time, he would have to walk the plank. I know it sounds pretty extreme, but UH is averaging more blocked kicks than a Dennis Alexio fight.
Hey, after seeing what happened at San Diego State, don't be surprised if some big-shot general calls Yoshida next week and offers the use of Air Force One to fly the Rainbows over for free.
"And we'll stop in Oakland and pick up the Raiders cheerleaders on the way so they can serve food and refreshments. And your players can actually fly the plane! It's easier than an audible!"
OK, let's float back down to reality and look at this Saturday's showdown against UNLV for last place in the WAC.
I have a feeling that Hawaii will win this one, maybe by as many as three aces, I mean points - assuming that the UH coaches are playing with a full deck that night.
It sure would help if some Vegas high-roller popped for a charter flight to bring the Rebels to the islands. And UH fans better hope that the Rainbows don't arrive at Aloha Stadium in separate stretch limos.