When you think about it, though, Perot and the other two major presidential hopefuls are funny not because of how they talk but for what they say. Did you ever scrutinize what these front-running candidates are espousing on the stump? It's really quite amusing and even somewhat pathetic:
Perot: "Our problems are small compared to the obstacles our Founding Fathers faced in building this country, or the problems that pioneers faced as they traveled west. Keep their spirit with you in this massive effort and remember these words: A bell is no bell till you ring it, a song is no song till you sing it."
(And a politician is no politician till he opens his mouth.)
Clinton: "Ten million American children - 10 million of them - are still living within four miles of a toxic waste dump. If you'll stick with us, we'll clean up two-thirds of those, the worst ones in the next four years, so that all of our children will be growing up next to parks, not poison."
(Wouldn't it have been better for these 10 million kids if the president had cleaned up these toxic waste dumps - or at least the "worst ones" - during the past four years instead of after his re-election?)
Clinton: "I want to build a bridge to the future that keeps our economy growing strong, so that every single person who is willing to work has a chance to work and to be a part of the American dream. Will you help me build that bridge?"
(Sorry, but we are all too busy trying to make a living, looking for jobs, paying our taxes, getting off welfare, etc.)
Dole: "President Clinton trusts the government. He's got more government programs - in fact, they've got programs you haven't even heard about yet. I was on the (Senate) floor before I left in June and I said one day, 'Now gentlemen, let me tax your memories,' and Ted Kennedy jumped up and said, 'Why haven't we thought about that before?'"
(Here's an exciting new concept: Taxing political speeches.)
THE topic of bureaucratic believability is especially relevant to local voters because they'll be hearing a lot more rhetoric over the coming weeks. The races for Honolulu mayor, prosecuting attorney and congressional representatives could be especially fierce, and not even Hawaii will escape the presidential puffery, even in the middle of the blue Pacific.
Therefore, here are some handy reminders: Don't dwell on the messenger, listen to the message. Don't believe the promises; remember the deeds.
Some politicians come across very well on television. Their words are well-honed by paid writers, their hair neatly coiffed by professional stylists, their strategies engineered by akamai tacticians. But some of them have already let us down, while others have demonstrated that they can perform way past expectations.
In other words, don't rely on their versions of the "truth." As Ross Perot would say, just looky out the window.