"I went through the whole judicial process except for a lengthy stay in prison," said the 44-year-old blue-collar worker. "I was in a cellblock overnight and paid a $100 fine, so I think I got off pretty easy." Anthony believes more time in jail would have prevented a second incident of abuse from occurring, involving the same woman, just last month.
The stormy relationship began in November 1992. Anthony was on the telephone at his office when his girlfriend, Jane (also a pseudonym), accused him of talking to another woman. As she tried to pull away the receiver, Anthony resisted and hit her in the face with the phone. Jane fled.
Later that night, as Anthony was waiting at a nearby bus stop, Jane returned and started whacking him on the back with her handbag while screaming, swearing and kicking, he says. So he slapped her again and walked away when she fell. "Before that day, I had never hit a woman or a man before," said Anthony, who is 6-feet, 260 pounds.
On returning home, the police arrived. Jane had filed a complaint against him, so officers took down Anthony's version of the incident. That week, he appeared in court for third-degree assault and harassment. His public defender plea-bargained the charge down to a year's probation.
Anthony was ordered to stay away from Jane, but they continued to date. They made a tempestuous couple.
Sometimes when they fought, he would be dragged into court again. But the only time Anthony was sent to jail was when he failed to show up for a hearing (he claimed to have never gotten the summons). A bench warrant was issued for his arrest.
That one night in the HPD cellblock was a nightmare, Anthony remembers. "They put you in a small cell with a cement slab for a bed. There is screaming and yelling so you can't sleep. It's real cold. They come in with coffee and a peanut butter sandwich at 4 a.m., then at 6 a.m. they put chains on your hands and legs, put you in the paddy wagon and take you to court." He was ordered to pay a $100 fine before being released.
Jane and Anthony began drifting apart. They still go to lunch sometimes, and she asked him to accompany her to a recent class reunion. But they are not a steady two-some.
Then three weeks ago, Anthony said Jane hit him in front of his co-workers, so he did the same. She went flying. He fears that the TRO against him, which is supposed to expire in December, will be extended because of the incident.
ANTHONY says he is sorry for everything he's done. "I know that I have caused physical and mental abuse to the woman I loved, and have asked for her and her family's forgiveness, but to no avail," he says.
Significantly, he - the batterer - claims to feel powerless in a system that is supposed to protect the victim. But does it really? Anthony says that if he had been forced to spend more than a single night in prison, he would NOT have hauled off and hit Jane last month. "More jail time would have been a real deterrent," he admits.
Judges, are you listening?