The publisher of "Soul Man" is ready to sue if he hears the song one more time playing in the background of Dole rallies.
Playing a hip song like "Soul Man" is supposed make people forget that Dole is older than time.
The usual routine is for Dole to bound onto the stage like a mummified rock star while the crowd sings "I'm a Dole Man! I'm a Dole Man!" Republicans can be so cool when they have to be.
Actually, I thought the choice of song was kind of stupid. Half the time, I thought the crowd was bellowing "I'm a Dull Man." Or "I'm a Sold Man." It left just too much room for misinterpretation.
It may not matter, since Rondor Music International, which owns the song, says it'll sue if Dole doesn't give up their "Soul."
I think Dole has a legal leg to stand on, since song parodies are considered free speech. And anyone who doesn't consider "Dole Man" a parody doesn't understand irony. Connecting Bob Dole to "Soul Man" is like connecting Jeffrey Dahmer to "Feelings."
Anyway, this is a battle Dole doesn't have to fight. There are a lot of other songs out there he could rip off that would give him the same chance - which is to say very little - of overcoming his 20 point poll deficit to Bill Clinton.
I did a little research and came up with some possible replacement songs for the Dole drums.
Willie Nelson's song "On The Road Again," would give sort of an ironic twist to Dole's campaign, considering Republicans' drive to cut welfare. Imagine the crowd rocking out to "On the Dole again, I just can't wait to get back on the Dole again. I'm sittin' here starvin' with my friends, I can't wait to get on the Dole again."
The tune "Old Man River" might not work because it would tend to emphasize Dole's age. But you can imagine a few bars of "Dole Man River, he just keeps rollin', not gettin' any younger, but keeps on rollin along ..."
Likewise, Bob Seger's song, "Old Time Rock And Roll" has a nifty beat but might not work because of the age thing. It would go something like "Bring back that old time rock and Dole, the kind of prez that can soothe the soul, he's dyed his hair the color of coal, bring back that ol' time rock and Dole ..."
A lot of the rock and roll songs might lend themselves to redubbing by Dole's organizers. They could have a Bill Haley impersonator take the stage and lead the crowd in a rousing rendition of "Shake, Rattle and Dole!"
Or they could have Sha Na Na launch into "I don't care what the people say, rock and Dole are here to stay!"
If he insists on staying in the soul motif, they could revive that song, "A Little Bit of Soul." And everyone would probably agree that "A Little Bit of Dole" goes a long way.
Something from a more whimsical line would be to adapt the Boll Weevil song to Dole's campaign. It would go something like "The Dole Weevil is a little ol' guy, comes from Kansas state they say. Came all the way to D.C., just looking for a place to stay. Just lookin' for a home, just lookin' for a home."
Well, these are just a few ideas that the Dole campaign could consider. There are lots more. Some writers might even be willing to let Dole use their song for free for publicity. We haven't heard much about Roger Miller lately. Maybe he could let Dole borrow his song, "Dang Me."
I can see it now. The band starts to play, Dole jumps on stage in overalls with a twig of wheat in his mouth and the crowd bellows, "Dole me, Dole me! Oughta make a call and poll me! High from the highest tree, Kempy won't you veep for me."
Then again, maybe not.
