I was reminded of this gentleman when I walked into Satino, in Kaneohe. The restaurant serves up pseudo-Italian fare as exemplified by the likes of Ricado's, and other restaurants with names that vary but invariably end with "o"s, and with menus that are nearly identical. (You, too, can open an "Italian" restaurant and name it by taking some two-syllable word ending with a "d," "n" or "t," and adding an "o" to it, such as "velveto," "nissano" or "surfboardo.")
These restaurants bring out the Jekyll and Hyde in me. As a critic, I'm bothered by kitchen shortcuts and a lack of aesthetics. But as a civilian who doesn't want to cook everyday, I can still get a nice hot meal at Satino that -for the most part -is satisfying. Still, I can't help but feel that a restaurant with 54 entrees has to sacrifice some quality for quantity.
The beauty of such popular cuisines as Italian and Chinese is that no matter how they are maul-ed and mangled (chop suey, anyone?), you can still get a decent meal. So it was at Satino, set in a warehouse on Kahuhipa Street between John's Furniture Upholstery and Eclipse Glass Tinting.
Dinner might start with Roasted Peppers ($4.55) of the sort that comes from a can or jar rather than off the grill or under a broiler; or Sauteed Sausage ($6.90). nothing fancy here: the gristle-filled sausage is simply sauteed whole, bachelor-style with garlic cooked until crisp, and therefore, somewhat bitter.
The safest bet is to go for the antipasto ($5.90 for two; $7.90 for four), which arrives in a salad heap of lettuce, red peppers, a couple of cold cuts and sliced California olives..
Easy does it with the entrees. The shorter the descriptions the better, as with Veal Marsala ($8.50 small, $10.50 regular). The small portion of veal is miniscule compared to the portion of pasta, but it's tasty, simply sauteed with mushrooms, butter, garlic and Marsala wine.
Meanwhile, Shrimp Zingera ($11.50) is a perfect example of overkill, boasting more "zingera" than shrimp. The dish starts with a slab of breaded eggplant, topped with pasta, mushrooms, black olives, red peppers and just a handful of shrimp.
If given a choice of red or white sauce, go with the white. The red sauce on a Seafood Combination ($9.70; $11.70) tasted like tomato paste, straight. The dish was to have contained clams, fish, calamari and shrimp, but mine had only calamari and chewy fish.
As for desserts, if you've never sampled cannoli, by all means try it. But if you've had good cannoli before, well, you can't go too wrong with gelato.
Where: 46-138 Kahuhipa St. Space A
Hours: 5 to 9:30 p.m. daily, to 11 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays
Prices: About $25 to $30 for two. B.Y.O.B.
Call: 236-0062
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