This is for real. Denmark newspaper writer Malene Botoft and acrobat Henrik Lehmann recently moved into an air-conditioned, apartment-like exhibit at the Copenhagen Zoo. They will remain on exhibit for about two weeks, just kind of hanging out, doing Homo sapiens type things. They've got couches, chairs, books, a television, stereo, telephone and fax machine.
"The most-visited animals in the zoo, apart from the predators, are the apes, because we see in them something of ourselves. This (the human exhibit) puts that similarity into context," Lehmann told Reuters news service.
I agree. I think having a temporary human exhibit at the Honolulu Zoo would be a great idea, and I'm offering my services. I figure a zoo can't be too much different than a typical newsroom.
My habitat won't have to be as extensive as the Copenhagen couple's. I don't need an air-conditioner. Just give me my comfy chair, a refrigerator full of beer and Cokes, a television (with cable), a microwave oven, a laptop computer and a can of Off and I'll be comfy as a kangaroo cub in a pouch.
Imagine what the tourists will think when they come across the "Beero-Chuggo Columnisticus Giganticus" exhibit.
I'll be sittin' there in my stuffed chair, watching "The Price is Right," having a brewski and working on my column. I'll encourage the youngsters to ignore the "Please Do Not Feed the Columnist" sign as long as they toss tasty morsels my way, like roasted peanuts and bags of potato chips.
If one of the kids accidentally falls into my compound, I'll rescue him just like that Chicago gorilla Bento, or Pinto or whatever her name was, did.
Unlike some of my zoo mates of the primate variety, I promise I won't throw feces at visitors unless seriously provoked.
From an anthropological point of view, it makes sense to have a Homo sapiens exhibit, if only temporarily, at the zoo. It will remind visitors of our evolutionary roots. It will remind them that, while we consider ourselves quite advanced, we aren't that far removed, activity-wise, from other animals. If you sometimes wonder how zoo animals can just lie around in a cage napping for hours on end, you haven't seen a well-adapted human settle in for an afternoon of vigorous television channel surfing.
Or course, the key to this experiment will be the location and duration of the human exhibit. I think a couple of days would make the point, unless the financial take at the gate went way up and I started getting a cut of the action.
I'd be pretty happy just about anywhere in the zoo except next to animals that smell really awful or those that tend to attract a lot of flies. And I'm sure a lot of the animals will expect the same of me.
The only thing I'd ask is that zoo workers keep those peacocks away from my compound. I don't want those moochers snapping up my microwave popcorn if I doze off during "Oprah."
I'd be willing to share my compound with another Homo sapiens. I believe it should be of the female variety. I'd promise to behave like a gentleman, or at least not violate accepted standards of zoo inmate behavior. If my compound mate felt weird being cooped up with me, I'd allow her to bring a whip. In fact, that could really add some excitement to the exhibit.
I see this experiment as a no-lose proposition. Tourism gets a boost. Scientists get to study the lifestyle of a typical newspaper columnist. And I get to hang out in a pretty cool place with lots of interesting neighbors.
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