Dr. Ralph Hale has heard them all. And also all of those regarding "what's cooking" at the Olympics.
Hale, founding chairman of the University of Hawaii's Burns School of Medicine, is the Chef De Mission - the Chief of the Mission - for the U.S. Olympic Committee's mission staff. One of three USOC vice-presidents, Hale ranks third - behind only President LeRoy T. Walker and Executive Director Dick Schultz - on the protocol list.
He is perhaps closer to No. 1 in terms of duties at the Olympics in Atlanta later this month. Hale will be literally the man behind the scenes, overseeing some 1,000 of the U.S. delegation: a 100-member staff, some 400 team leaders and 700 American athletes.
"I enjoy being out in front of the public as much as I do behind the scenes," said Hale, the guiding force behind the start of the health services program for UH Wahine athletes in 1972. "I've always enjoyed staying busy. What I'm doing now certainly covers that."
Hectic may be the optimum word for Hale the next four weeks. His task combines diplomacy with day-to-day drudgery.
Hale is both the maitre d'hotel Atlanta and supervisor of the kitchen help. He'll deal with everything from the foreign dignitaries to the indignities - real or imagined - suffered by elite athletes.
Like a physician on-call, Hale will also be ready to handle emergencies. His expertise is so broad that it has already affected all 10,000-plus athletes: Hale's fingerprints are all over the new USOC Code of Conduct (as a task force member) as well as the new drug-testing program (he helped draft it).
A record number 197 countries will be represented at the XXVI Olympiad, bringing together competitors in 29 sports and 271 events. Despite reports to the contrary, Hale is confident Atlanta will be more than ready for the Games to begin July 19.
"They'll be ready," said Hale, who has been to six previous Olympics. "Right now, it's a matter of fine tuning. Organizers always want it to be better."
The Olympics aren't perfect - yet - for Hale. The founder of the country's largest water polo tournament - the Hawaii Invitational - wants to see women's water polo in the Games.
The former president of U.S. Water Polo (1984-88) has lobbied for years, seeing it nearly introduced at the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles.
"It was supposed to happen," said Hale, who was part of the Olympic Torch Relay run through Washington, D.C., last month. "At the last moment, synchronized swimming snuck in.
"It looks pretty good for Sydney (in 2000). I'm very hopeful."
In some capacity, Hale expects to be in Australia four years from now. His name has been batted around as the next USOC president but Hale, who began his association with the USOC as a volunteer in 1984, is not currently interested in the position.
For the moment, he is quite content as head chef. Just don't ask about the specials of the day.
Age: 60.
Residence: Kahala & Virginia.
Occupation: Executive Director, American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, Washington, D.C.
Olympic duty: USOC Vice President & Chef De Mission.