The word this week was "paradigm," as in:
"Do you get the paradigms here?"
"No, but I get one quarter if you can find somebody to make change."
That actually will be easier next year. The folks in one department plan to re-engineer themselves as "change assistants." What a great idea. Our soda machine doesn't take bills and I never have change when I'm thirsty.
I was disappointed to learn they mean they intend to help us deal with changes in the company, such as accepting balky technology as a necessary part of our lives. After all, electronic page imagers have feelings, too.
A nagging problem is confusion about the company's mission. This came up at last year's retreat, too, when a survey revealed that even 60 percent of managers don't understand the mission. My solution, which was never acted upon: Have the 40 percent who say they get it explain it to the 60 percent who don't.
The "curve" was much in discussion, as in the need to get ahead of the curve and the terror of finding oneself behind the curve. Alas, our beloved Earth is a perpetual curve that is always both ahead of us and behind us. I guess that explains why management theory reminds me so much of my dog Bingo chasing his tail.
Then there was the business about getting driven. As a conscientious manager, I was advised to be customer-driven, strategy-driven, quality-driven, results-driven, human capital-
driven and to make my computer menu-driven. I was starting to feel like an old Chevy with too many miles on the odometer.
Acronyms abounded. We must master AD-Q, MASS, ADSERV, CATS, COLD, LANSA and the HR module of CYBORG. When one speaker thundered about the coming "first wave of GENESIS," I didn't know whether to expect a new computer system or the end of the world.
My favorite acronym was TALL. The poor speaker, a wonderful individual who has been putting in 70-hour weeks lately, momentarily forgot what it stood for - ultimately coming up with "Training a Little Bit at a Time."
There was much talk about ownership, as in "who owns parking?"
I asked what that meant and was told, "It's about empowerment. It's about giving employees ownership of our problems so we can get them to buy in to the program."
I think I'm starting to get it. The managers own the company and the employees own its problems. Some other things I figured out:
This problem definitely will benefit from our new "re-invent/rename" program.
I can't wait for next year's retreat, which is rumored to be a team-building desert survival exercise. I'd better find my snake-bite kit and stock up on Perrier.
