Stuffs
Strange things you see and say ...
Monday, June 24, 1996
It's not Dom DeLuise
An anonymous caller wants to know - what the heck is that big round cement structure atop the artificial hills at Kakaako Waterfront Park? It's about 6 feet wide, and marked with the points of the compass, and it echoes slightly, right in the middle.
Well, it only took a moment to find out, but the real answer is pretty boring. We put the Wat Dat Fictional Solutions Squad to work on it, and they came up with:
- The offshore gaming table of the gods. ("More chips, Mr. Souki?")
- The hatch to an enormous underground nuclear missile facility that we're not supposed to know about, so zip your lip, pal.
- The exit end of the secret escape tunnel leading from the governor's office.
- A secretly installed navigation device so low-flying Imperial Navy aircraft can find Pearl Harbor.
- The new city manhole design - one big plate instead of a bunch of little ones.
- Corporate offices for The Subway sandwich shops.
- The docking port where the alien mothership lands to carry us all away to the stars.
Actually, the round thing is a cleverly disguised vent for underground gases. Those Kakaako hills consist of dirt bulldozed over rubbish dumps, so as the rubbish decays, they out-gas like bad chicken in a City Hall Tupperware container. The compass points are decoration, so that, no matter what direction you're facing, you can smell the hill burping.
By Burl Burlingame
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