Nevah mind, I understood it. For those who didn't, here are some choice excerpts along with a layman's translation of what they really meant:
- "The Hawaii Democratic Party has provided the people of Hawaii an open door to new education, political and social opportunities during the last four decades."
(Translation: We've been running this town for 40 years.)
- "Today, budget cuts forced upon the State of Hawaii by the current Republican Congress and the downturn in the nation's economy caused by the huge Reagan/Bush budget deficits challenge our resolve."
(Explanation: Even though we've been running this town for 40 years, all our problems here were caused by the GOP in Washington.)
- "We believe that all should pay their fair share of the taxes that are necessary to bring order and civility to our community, with those more able assuming the greater share."
(Restatement: Let's raise the taxes on the rich - individuals making $100,000 a year or more. After all, they're the only ones with any decent money left.)
- "The Democratic Party has led the fight to ensure that no citizen suffers discrimination or deprivation of rights on the basis of ethnicity, gender, language, national origin, religion, age, physical or mental disability, marital status, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, economic status, political affiliation, or other characteristics."
(Note to Democrats who voted against same-gender marriage: Reread the above.)
- "We, the Democratic Party, pledge to maintain a healthy business climate by increasing administrative efficiency and streamlining."
(Affirmation: Atta way, Governor, keep pink-slipping those state workers to balance the budget.)
- "Democrats believe that labor should always be treated with dignity and respect."
(Ooops, disregard previous directive.)
- "A compassionate society must have special concerns for the working poor and for those who are unable to work."
(Caveat: Only if the state can actually afford the welfare payments.)
- "Pledge to eliminate the 'high three' for elected officials."
(Memo to House Speaker Joe Souki: Get with the program.)
- "We are dedicated to resolving the plight of the homeless."
(Clarification: Unless they want to live on Makua Beach.)
- "As stewards and guardians of these beautiful islands, we are dedicated to meeting the needs of the future while rooted in the best traditions of the past. We express appreciation for the past, provide service in the present and accept responsibility for the future."
(Simplification: Don't kick us out of power. We'll do better in the future. Honest!)
Maybe somebody will drop off a 1996 Convention Platform Report of Hawaii's Republican Party. If I'm lucky, the packet
That would spoil all the fun.
