I heard that sales at the Honolulu City Store were in the dumpster and so, out of the kindness of my heart, without any consideration of monetary gain or even a friendly "thanks," I made a few suggestions about how to improve sales. The Ala Moana Center store sells street signs, T-shirts and other junk connected to the city. I think the City Store is a great idea and I was concerned that it wasn't doing well. Specifically, I said that maybe the store should start selling stuff with more of a historical connection to Hawaii. For instance, I suggested that instead of selling shiny, new street signs that could have been made anywhere, they should sell actual weathered signs. Instead of selling freshly painted lifeguard or high-surf signs, they should sell the real deal, the actual signs. I happen to think that some surfer-wanna-be from Nebraska would probably be stoked to have an actual sign from Waimea Bay, the premiere big wave spot in the world.
But I have found out that my input is unwanted and unneeded. And frankly, my feelings are a little hurt. Sure, I don't have the best business record around. Sure, I've caused companies to collapse. Sure, I've never controlled an actual money-making enterprise myself. But, damn it, I have feelings, too.
I received a letter from a City Store sales guy, who I won't identify, in which he ripped me limb from limb. It turns out that the store is doing just fine, aside from the fact that it's not making any money. They have heaps of great stuff and people love it, except it's not selling all that well.
"Unfortunately, our location is not the most heavily traveled part of the shopping center," the sales guy said. "The main reason our sales are less than anticipated is largely due to our seeming anonymity."
But he said an overall marketing strategy is right on schedule and "I am extremely confident that sales will increase dramatically in the very near future."
I'm happy to hear it. Although, it seems to me that if anonymity is a problem, skewering some columnist who is giving you free publicity, even if he does make a few idiotic suggestions, is an unusual public relations ploy.
AND not all of my ideas were idiotic. The sales guy actually confirms what I suspected, that some people - if not tourists, then local people - would be interested in buying used signs.
"We have had surplus signs in our store before but the majority of them were purchased by a local collector," the sales whiz stated.
Wait a second. A local collector bought up most of the used signs? Well, damn him! Who does he think he is? On the other hand - and again, I'm no Joe Wal-Mart - I'd say that if you have a collector snapping up a lot of your merchandise, that would be a GOOD thing.
And I'd like to share a letter I received from a lady who went to the City Store that also seems to indicate people are interested in real signs. The lady said she was looking for a present for her boyfriend and saw an actual "High Surf" sign in the store.
"The friendly little shopkins said it wasn't for sale," she said. She was told it was illegal for private citizens to own civil defense signs.
"I was stunned," she said. "I did get a similar sign but I will not tell you how I got it. I take the 5th. No comment."
Obviously, the retail sales biz is way over my head. There must be a sound reason to display cool items in a store that customers will want but cannot purchase. But I'm staying out of it from now on. I'm also staying off the beaches until someone figures out which "High Surf" sign is missing.
