Bus riders, after being exposed to years of rough experiences, are hardy folks. They're not like ordinary citizens because they don't have the option of jumping into the safety and seclusion of an individually owned vehicle.
Therefore, they laugh at the feeble attempts of crybaby riders newly introduced to the perils of the public transportation system known as TheBus.
Untrained riders simply can't get from point A to point B on the bus. It defies the laws of transportation.
Most times, they end up lost somewhere on the other side of the island. Eventually, you'll probably find their pictures plastered on the backs of milk cartons. So, if and when they come away from the experience, they have dazed and confused look s on their faces.
(Actually, some of them look like this before the bus ride.)
There's no hiding the fact that it is difficult to adapt to bus riding, but with practice and patience, anyone can become a professional passenger. Until that time, though, untalented amateurs will be scoffed at by omniscient old-timers.
THESE old-timers can perform wondrous feats. They can wait at a bus stop in the blazing sun for three hours without breaking a sweat. They can hold 10 filled grocery bags in one arm and still remain standing when the bus lurches 30 feet forward.
Furthermore, professional passengers are more stubborn than a herd of cattle en route to the slaughterhouse. Big, burly bus drivers - male and female - who bellow, "Move to the back of the bus!" leave these riders undaunted and immobile.
Obviously, these riders are completely dedicated to the bus, demonstrated in the way they plant themselves right in the middle of the walkway, transforming themselves into permanent fixtures.
If you really want to see life's wonders, then a bus ride is just the thing for you. From an inside view, TheBus reveals itself to be a mental institution, nursing home and corrections facility on wheels.
For example, some of the "bus people" might try to chat with you. You, of course, will likely choose to ignore them. But that's perfectly fine. Who needs you anyway?One can converse with oneself, you know.
THE bus ride itself can be quite an adventure. It's such a thrill to be in an oversized carriage maneuvered by a driver trying to attain warp speed, resulting in humans bouncing off seats or onto laps of those who earlier thought themselves fortunate to be seated. You haven't lived until you've been jostled around like human cargo, to the point where your insides are mush and your teeth have shaken loose.
On the other hand, some drivers prefer to drive as slow as humanly possible. They insist on smiling at each boarding passenger and greeting them individually. You won't get to your destination on time, but at least no one will fall into your lap.
The main thing to remember when riding the bus is that all of the drivers are involved in the B.P.P. (Bus Parade Phenomenon) that occurs when you wait until the next century for a bus to arrive, and none seem to be coming. Then finally, a whole herd of buses comes at once. Naturally, the B.P.P. is part of a huge conspiracy set up by bus drivers to annoy riders.
Let's face it, public transportation is not for the faint of heart. So don't knock the brave souls who must use it on a daily basis. They just might send a bus to run you over.
Rant & Rave is a Tuesday Star-Bulletin feature allowing teens and young adults to serve up fresh perspective. Guys and girls speak up by fax at 523-8509; by answering machine at 525-8666; snail mail at P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, HI 96802; or e-mail, features@starbulletin.com.