Honolulu Lite
I can personally attest to that, since I was a judge this week in the annual "Ono Water Contest," sponsored by the American Water Works Association.
I can also attest to the fact that these water works folks take water extremely seriously. When I suggested that one of the waters we judges sampled tasted like water from my jacuzzi, some of the people in the audience looked as if I had just strangled a puppy. It was a joke. None of the water tasted like water from my jacuzzi. It tasted like water from my garden hose. Which is fine. Water is pretty much water in my book. As long as there aren't any sea monkeys or other critters swimming around in it, water can be one of the better beverages.
I have to admit, I find tasting water a somewhat silly exercise. But everyone else was taking the enterprise seriously, so I tried to be judicious and thoughtful. I didn't want other judges like KHON's Linda Jameson or
KGMB's Teri Okita to think I was some unsophisticated jerk. I figured, you take a sip of water, smack your lips, maybe swish it around a bit (I sensed gargling would be bad form), then use a bunch of snazzy sophisticated adjectives to describe the taste.
The jig was up, however, when I described Sample H as "sovereign yet indigenous" and Sample B as "insulting yet flaccid."
So much for sophistication.
The problem is, to me, water's water. And just about all water in Hawaii tastes great. You don't realize this until you go to the mainland and drink water that has been so heavily dosed with chlorine it could have come from a YMCA swimming pool. Other water on the mainland is "soft," which has some specific meaning that escapes me right now. But basically, it has a silky, yucky feel when it goes down your gullet.
Each year, the water association picks water from different sources around the state to compete. Last year, the water came from resorts. A private well owned by Sheraton Hotels in Waikiki took first place.
The year before that, the samples came from federal, state and institutional water supplies. Judges liked the U.S. Navy's Lualualei tunnel water best.
THIS year, we were offered samples from small water systems. The contestants were from Hilo's Maunaloa Mac Nut, Kona's Waikii Ranch, Maui's Olowalu, Lahaina's Lahainaluna High School, Oahu's St. Stephen Diocesan Center and Mokuleia Land Co. and Kauai's Grove Farm Co. and Kahili Mountain Park.
Aside from one or two samples that had just the slightest hint of chlorine, they all were excellent. I mean, I wouldn't have passed up a Budweiser to chug a quart of any one of them, but as far as water goes, they were exceptional. My personal choice for best turned out to be from St. Stephen.
A majority of the judges, however, picked Kahili Mountain Park as best and Grove Farm Co. as second. I could live with that. I wouldn't want to hurt any of the water's feelings. And I wouldn't want any of my fellow judges to think I don't have taste.
Former Gov. John Waihee and I will be sparring live over the role of government in our personal lives on Randy Roth's "Price of Paradise Radio Show" on Hawaii Public Radio on Sunday [May 12] at 8 a.m.
This is going to be a rout. Why a heavy hitter like Waihee would want to stomp a politically naive weenie like me in public, I don't know. I guess things are slow in Washington for ex-Democratic governors since Newt's buddies took over. If you enjoy carnage, tune in.
