Honolulu Lite
And after going to all the trouble and expense of having their hair cemented into a gravity-defying style that can only be described as "Serengeti Termite Mound Chic," the girls would try to keep their 'do standing well into the following week. Each day after the prom, the hair towers would become more and more grotesque, held up by an ever-increasing superstructure of bobby pins, hair spray and Quikreet until this inevitable hurtful greeting would become commonplace: "Got any spiders in there?"
Despite the bizarre costumes and zany coiffures, prom-goers of my generation were still fairly restrained financially. Restrained meaning we had no moola-coola. And if we had asked our parents to spring for a limousine, they would have broken out into uncontrollable fits of laughter, thrashing around on the floor like patients in the last stages of Ebola Zaire. Then they would have mopped up their tears and said: "No."
And so we carted our tall-haired babes to the ball in Vista Cruiser station wagons or Plymouth Dusters. At the entrance to the hotel ballroom we posed for pictures we would never live down. Then we slow-danced to that wonderful Santo and Johnny guitar prom-staple "Sleepwalk" and had feelings that we'd never forget.
Now prom has become something of a cultural hybrid: part Oscar night, part rite-of-passage and part fashion show. But mostly, it is a monument to excess, a time when graduating high school students expect and generally receive the very best in food, clothing and transportation. It is sort of a priming of the societal pump that will either launch these young fashion plates on a quest for financial success or leave them forever frustrated when the rest of their lives don't measure up to the conspicuous consumption of Prom Night.
PROM Night is coming. I know because the news wires have begun carrying stories about it. One story quoted YM magazine's "tips for enjoying the prom." It made me feel very old. Mainly because I have no idea what "YM" stands for. And because you rarely see froufrou blue tuxes anymore with frilly Liberace shirts.
Kids never read these lists. But here they are, YM's prom tips for young ladies:
Pre-prom:
Do ask your parents for a curfew extension.Don't sulk when parents get photo happy.
Do buy a dress and shoes you can move in.
Don't try last-minute hair overhauls.
Do offer to help your date with finances or offer to cook dinner before the prom.
I know I'm old because all of these suggestions sound perfectly reasonable to me. Which means most of them are really corny.At the prom:
Don't flirt with other people.Do be friendly and socialize.
Don't act like a vanity case, touching up makeup all night long.
Do hit the dance floor.
Don't drink the spiked punch, especially if you're driving.
Were I to come up with a list of prom dos and don'ts - for both the guys and girls - it would be a short list of only two items.
1. Do not drink and drive or get in a car with anyone who has been drinking. Do WHATEVER it takes not to ride in a car with someone who has been drinking, including calling a cab. (YM says make sure you have cab fare.)
2. Whatever happens, you will always remember the prom. So make it a good memory.
