Honolulu Lite

by Charles Memminger

Monday, April 29, 1996

I don't expect to raise as much money as the Jackie O auction did last week in New York. But Sotheby's agreed that if we strike while the bidding public is still frothing at the mouth, the Charley Oh! auction could post some good numbers.

The Charley Oh! auction will be held down at the Aloha Stadium parking lot and is expected to pull in thousands of collectors from all over the world hoping to snap up a bit of the Charley Spamelot Mystique.

Here are just a few of the items that will be up for grabs and the minimum bid on each:

• Three shirts of identical style representing the "three recurring periods of Charleyhood: The Fat Period, The Really Fat Period, and the Man, I Can Hardly Get Out Of This Chair Period." $43,000.
• Holey Underwear. Classic collection of 1973 vintage Fruit of the Loom Briefs. Complete with authenticating color photograph showing underwear hanging on a doorknob. $58,000.
• Historic Pogs. The Pogs That Killed A Fad. Yes, these are the last remaining 6,000 "surfer" pogs Charley Oh! had made just in time to lose his shirt (Fat Period) when the pog phenomenon crashed in Hawaii. $1,000 per pog.
• Historic Dimes. The Dimes That Caused The Silver Market To Crash. Yes, three roles of silver dimes purchased when silver was soaring at $17 an ounce, which have remained in the famous Memminger Safe Deposit Box of Crushed Dreams for the past 18 years. Collection comes with vial of authentic tears shed when silver prices slipped into the single digits. $10,000 per dime.
• Collection of assorted magazine article rejection slips including the famous Playboy Rejection Slip of 1974 which said "Mr. Memminger, if you send us one more of your stupid articles, we will have you killed. We aren't kidding." $85,000.
• Lightning Bolt Surfboard That Was Stolen From My Garage And Later Found Behind My Neighbor's House All Bust Up And With Fin Missing. $120,000.
• Musubi Memorial Fur Ball. Giant collection of fur saved up for years before the famous toilet-using cat, Musubi, went to that big bento in the sky. $93,000.
• All Of My Wife's Jewelry. $1 million.
• An Unusual Automotive Part That Fell Off My Fiat In 1982 And Has Been Sitting In The Garage Ever Since. $13,000.
• Set of Wilson Golf Clubs (minus Nine Iron and Three Wood) with "JFK" written in Magic Marker on the bag: $550,000.
• Gold tooth filling. $76,000 (after removal).
• Lead tooth filling. Wide selection. $23,000 each.
• Picture of Me Standing with Famous Golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez. $100,567. (Ten percent royalty to Chi Chi).
• Picture of Me Standing With Man In A Chipmunk Costume At Disney World circa 1990. $25,000.
• Picture of Me Standing In My Famous Holey Underwear. (Really Fat Period). $12.
• My Dog Boomer. Partially house-trained. $2 million.
• My Dead Cat Musubi. $1 million.
• Kitchen Drawer Full of Assorted Pens and Pencils. $16,500.
• Pink Dress I Wore During A Transvestite Number At Summer Follies. $1.3 million.
• Ratty Looking Woman's Wig. Only worn for the Follies and occasional Friday nights. $200.

All proceeds will go to my new nonprofit charity: The Charley Oh! Foundation For Hops and Barley Research and International Golf Course Appraisal Project.

Call now to order your catalog.

Honolulu Lite by Charles Memminger is a regular feature of the
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