
And this one makes the Honolulu Marathon look like a stroll in the park.
Now that the formal introductions are out of the way, I have one simple question for new University of Hawaii head football coach Fred vonAppen:
WHO IS GOING TO BE THE STARTING QUARTERBACK?
This is a query that tormented the last main man, Bob Wagner. It was mostly his fault that the controversy lingered, though, since the Rainbows changed quarterbacks at the drop of a ball, which seemed like every other play or so.
Even back in the glory days when the Rainbows won the Holiday Bowl - hard to believe that was 50 years ago - it took awhile for Michael Carter to get and keep the starting job.
The last two years were a revolving door at the key position, with Rodney Glover, Glenn Freitas, Johnny Macon or John Hao spinning in and out of it.
To say it didn't work out too well would be an understatement. The two-season record of 7-16-1 was one indication that flipping coins or drawing straws was ineffective.
Now Glover and Hao are gone, which leaves Freitas, Macon and redshirt freshman Hunter Young as the three top candidates. They will be joined this summer by true freshman recruits John Gurasich, out of Austin, Texas, and Josh Skinner, from Overland, Colo.
Naturally, Macon and Freitas - probably in that order - are the favorites in this horse race. But don't automatically scratch the other three.
Macon, Freitas and Young were recruited for the "spread offense", which I think was first sketched up by George Halas when he was in his early teens before being dug up again by Hawaii.
OK. OK. Settle down. And let's point this out, especially since I have run out of disguises to wear away from the office.
Macon and Freitas are two of the nicest college kids you could meet. Macon is a husband, a father, an athlete and a student. Balancing those roles as well as he does is amazing and he deserves a ton of credit.
Freitas is a product of the rugged Waianae area, where they grow great football players and fishermen. He is another excellent role model who keeps working hard and always puts the team first.
But back on the field, they are basically running quarterbacks who have had trouble throwing the ball, even though the archaic offense of the past might have put Joe Montana at a disadvantage.
Now the "West Coast offense" is being implemented, which means UH fans - who still see fullback dives in their sleep - will get to witness the forward pass.
Young, a gangly left-hander, has the advantage of four seasons of remaining eligibility to make the switch, while Macon only has two years and Freitas just one.
At Monday's initial spring practice, all three - to quote the late Casey Stengel - couldn't hit the ground if they fell out of an airplane. But first-day drills on a windy day don't mean much.
The interesting factor is the two high school recruits, who were signed for the new offense.
Gurasich, at 6-4 and 205 pounds, will especially raise eyebrows: A UH quarterback who can see over the linemen. Freitas, Young and Skinner are in the 6-1, 180-pound range, while Macon is on his tip-toes at 5-10.
And one potential team strength of the upcoming season - barring injury - is the main receiving corps of Dillan Micus, Jason Mane and Gerald Lacey.
But somebody has to toss the old pigskin to them. Who will it be? It's too early in the campaign to project a winner, but fans should be encouraged by this news from vonAppen and offensive coordinator Guy Benjamin.
They said it will be one guy.
Yes, a single, solitary starting quarterback - which means they won't be on the sidelines flipping coins between plays.