Rant & Rave

By Cherie Chun

You always have the option of using those handy-dandy computers to locate your literature. But you'll probably end up with one of the computers bearing a frozen screen. Perhaps the screens freeze because of the air-conditioning. Whatever the reason, they usually just sit there doing absolutely nothing.

I think those computers half-heartedly started to search for something for some eager library users, and then decided it was more fun to sit there and be as idle as possible.

If, by some miracle, a computer finally decides to cooperate, you can finally zip around the library looking for your book. Sometimes that book will be nowhere in sight, but don't feel bad. Either some ninny put it back in the wrong place, or the budget cuts have taken their toll on the library staff, and your book is just waiting its turn to go back to its home on the shelf.

Anyway, you'll be extremely happy if you get your hands on the book. Heck, you might even find it so interesting that you'll sit down and start reading it in one of those partitioned seat things.

Unfortunately, this could prove dangerous. Some very strange men in Hamilton have been performing lewd acts in front of female library patrons. I won't go into detail, but I'm sure you can imagine it's not a pretty picture. Most likely, the sanity of these individuals has been destroyed by the cold air seeping into their heads. In light of these bizarre occurrences, you can understand why I make it a point not to study there.

Then again, maybe this sort of thing doesn't happen to you. You might be lucky enough to escape the library perverts. So, like I was saying, you could sit down to read, perhaps tucked away in an obscure little corner. Instead of finding your book enthralling though, it could turn out to be an effective sleep-inducing mechanism.

Then, guess what? You wake up, and the library is oddly dark. Even more distressing is the fact that no one else seems to be around. Oh my gosh! You slept all the way through closing time and nobody woke you up. After you finish panicking, you realize that you'll have to call security to bust you out of there. I kid you not, it has happened.

IF Hamilton sounds scary, let's talk about Sinclair, the other university library. Unlike Hamilton, you won't have to worry about freezing your eyeballs out at Sinclair. Quite the opposite. You might end up with heatstroke. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating. Shame on me. I shouldn't say that. Rather, I'll say that the pleasant Hawaiian trade winds waft into this peaceful establishment. Or something like that.

As an added bonus to those lovely trade winds, you'll be twice blessed if you visit Sinclair during the "stinky tree" season. The thing is, somewhere outside Sinclair resides a very odiferous tree, and its aroma accompanies the trade winds into the library during a certain time of year.

The way I see it, a while back some gardener with a bad sense of humor planted the "stinky tree" near Sinclair to disgust people and chase them away.

Oops, there I go again, being negative and disrespectful. I really should stop calling it the "stinky tree." The real name of the tree is the skunk tree.

Gee, with all Hamilton and Sinclair have to offer, I wonder what's in the University's Law Library. Dare I ask?