Extra Point

By Mike Fitzgerald

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Run for your life!

Bicyclists are everywhere. Ala Moana Boulevard. The Likelike. The Pali.

They even came pedaling through my house late last night.

"Sorry, pops," one of the pencil-thin lads said as he skidded through my kitchen. "Must have taken the wrong path."

It's called the "Hawaiian Mountain Tour," but don't let the innocent title fool you.

The MTV generation has taken over Oahu. Young men and women from around the world will hold a bunch of bike races at Kualoa Ranch tomorrow and Sunday. In fact, the main gig is a race down the mountain.

Yes, these kids must have their helmets on a bit too tight to try something like that, but what the heck, they're young and daring. And their bones heal faster.

In the meantime, look both ways before you cross anything, including your driveway.

ON Wednesday, they took over Aloha Tower Marketplace, where a race course was set up amid the shops and watering holes.

And these cats were zooming through like bats out of hell. In fact, the last time anyone moved that fast at the Marketplace was a man who mistakenly applied for a waitress job at Hooters.

Then there was the shoplifter who tried on a pair of Nikes and forgot to take them off on his way out the door. Seeya.

So I checked out the action Wednesday and it was cool, I mean awesome and radical.

There was a lot of loud music, colorful announcers - and people were ringing cowbells along the course to warn folks not to stand in front of the hurtling cyclists. Yes, cowbells. I forgot to double-check, but I believe it is an old Swiss custom to ring a cowbell when a bike - or an angry yodeler - is fastly approaching.

And these bicyclists have more sponsors than surfers, which is also quite amazing. Many of the logos weren't in English or I would pass them on as a professional courtesy. Or maybe they were in English.

I was also shocked to learn that the sport of mountain biking is in the upcoming Atlanta Olympics. And it's a medal sport.

This is impressive, and gives me new hope to have air hockey, pocket billiards, poker, darts and pinball added to future Olympic Games.

In fact, I have been diligently training for the grueling ballroom dancing and pressure-packed miniature golf competitions at the upcoming Aloha State Games.

Anyway, back to biking. It sure reminded me of my childhood and how we rode our bikes back in Chicago.

There was a guy named Hans "No Way" Rey at the Aloha Tower Marketplace who did some impressive bicycle stunts on a man-made mountain. But he wasn't nearly as good as my old boyhood pal Mickey "Monkey Man" Maloney.

"Monkey Man" was born with very, very long arms. So he pedaled his bicycle with his hands and steered the handlebars with his feet.

It really looked weird when he was balancing his mom's groceries on his head while riding home from the supermarket.

But "Monkey Man" - who also was an outstanding hockey player, skating with his hands and taking vicious slap shots with his feet - was the all-time king of trick riding.

He gave up bikes, though, after getting clobbered by a city bus. Now he is one of the premier pickpockets in the country, working conventions from coast to coast.

So back here in the islands, be sure your dog is on a leash or the pooch will truly be called Spot, as in a spot on the asphalt.

These bicyclists are serious athletes in training for the Olympics and must be handled with extreme caution.

One final bit of advice: Do not, I repeat, do not leave your home without a cowbell.