Honolulu Lite
We, the taxpayers, own that dog. We paid for him. We paid more than the owners paid for him. And we certainly took better care of him than they did.
So, if they want the mutt back, they should buy him back from us. They should pay us what it cost us to rescue his little furry butt. But they won't. Because nobody pays that much for a dog. Not even for Lassie or Old Yeller or McGruff the Crime Dog.
I know, I'm beating a dead horse over this dog thing. Everyone's apologized. The fire department says it won't use helicopters to rescue dogs anymore. I've never seen a faster case of damage control. From the mayor on down, everyone admitted that using a helicopter to rescue a dog was stupid and that it won't be done again.
I say, not so fast, folks. There's a mentality at work here that has to be examined. It's the mentality that allowed a person in authority even a moment's consideration of this extremely costly and risky enterprise. The chief says he doesn't hold the decision to save the doggie against the battalion chief who made it. Is he nuts? If the helicopter had crashed and two fire rescue people had been killed, as happened last year, would he still feel the same way? I doubt it.
To see how silly this rescue was, all you have to do is substitute any other animal into the picture and imagine how any emergency dispatcher with an ounce of sense would have handled it.
Caller: Hello, emergency? My gecko just fell off a cliff. Can you send a helicopter?Dispatcher: Are you insane?
Caller: Hi, 911? My cat just hopped over the Pali. Can you send out a helicopter that costs $6,000 a hour to fly and risk a couple of lives to save Puffpuff?
Dispatcher: Sure. We'll send out the helicopter just as soon as angels and archangels and the full accompaniment of heaven descend into hell and engage Lucifer and his host of eternal demons in a snowball fight.
CALLER: Help! I took my dog hiking on Mt. Olomana without a leash and he fell down the mountain. Can you risk a few human lives to help me feel better about being an idiot?Dispatcher: We'd love to. We'd also love to spend the entire year's fire department budget on a big lap dancing party and buy Maseratis for all the deputy chiefs. But I don't think that's going to happen.
Caller: I'm going to go down there myself and rescue him. And if I get into trouble, you'll have to rescue me.
Dispatcher: OK. Take a cellular phone and call 911 if you happen to still be alive when you hit the bottom of the cliff.
Caller: This isn't fair.
Dispatcher: I've got an idea. Why don't you call Capt. Irwin and hire him to help you?
Caller: Are you nuts? I'm not spending that kind of dough on a dog.
The point is that rescue departments are not there to keep people from being idiots, they are there to help them after they've been idiots. That's what we pay for. And as much as I love dogs, I'd rather my tax money go to help people living on Makua beach find safe, healthy homes for their kids than giving a pooch a helicopter ride.
